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February 9th, 2018

I wonder if it’s better to win once, then not win again for the foreseeable future or never win at all? Is that high of winning, and the drive to recapture that feeling too painful? In some ways, never winning allows you to push forward. Having won once, I know what it tastes like and I’m left with a bad taste in my mouth when I can’t achieve it again. I’m not sure.

As you can probably tell, my tailspin of losing confidence is continuing. I am trying to build back up my confidence, and I’m using a variety of different coaches and training partners and study methods. There is a ton to write about here, but I haven’t solidified my thoughts on training approaches just yet.

It’s funny though, because my tournament nights seem to be divided. In bracket, I just feel like shit. But in the community and speaking with people, I’m having a great time. The two pull at each other though and when I’m on my way home, I often feel like I’m missing something. It’s hard to describe.

It’s like the joy of hanging out and playing is smashed by my inability to play the game at a level that I want to play. Again, though, I’m sure this is stuff that will change with time and experience. I need to reset my expectations of what I can do.

Anyway, on the night I went 0-2, 0-2. Mike absolutely bodied me. I have yet to beat Mike in a single friendly let alone bracket. In fact, he almost JV3d me in my second match. I have no idea how to play against DeDeDe or Ganon.

Next up was JustGoodPop. We’ve played three times now in bracket and I think I did a bit better. He took advantage of my normal get up off ledge with his tipper lance. I was not expecting that at all. After the match, I asked what the hell? He told me there were a few frames when he could hit me. Hats off to him, because he got it at least twice. So, great timing on his part. Also, he told me to mash out of grabs more. This is something I try to do, but I guess I could be faster. I’ll work on that before next week.

You can check out my progress in Esports at, follow me on Twitter @SteveJShockey, and subscribe to my YouTube page called Beyond Beta Podcast.

Thanks for watching.


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